This new motherfucker of a set done dropped this morning.
Hello you bunch of bitches. I'm am bored at work again. This new motherfucker of a set done dropped this morning. There are some cards in this fucker, let me be the first tell you. I've very very briefly thought in my mind about some decks with these cards in them. So I'm gonna hit your ass Saito style with some ignorant fucked up brews I'm gonna cobble together off the dome here.
First one is easy. We're talking about Donate.
Fuck the reserved list. Demonic pact is my big boy jam and they finally gave me a way to actually kill people with it. So for a moment let's pretend that dromokas command isn't the most played card in standard.
4x galvanic bombardment
3x disperse
4x jace
2x ultimate price
3x read the bones
3x ruinous path
1x k command
1x harmless offering
4x demonic pact
2x languish
2x dark petition
2x s command
2x goblin dark dwellers
27x land (grixis colors, figure it out yourself)
Alright so this is a deck i kicked around a fair amount when dig through time and fetch lands were in standard and it was fine. New cards in this boy are just the shock with maybe upside and the one donate. I think you only want the one cause it's really bad to just have when you're not ready. You got petitions and if they transgress your one donate then fuck em. You can do it the old fashioned way by 4ing them to death. The shock is fine. Idk if it's better than impulse but it's probably fine. There's probably some egregious omissions I've made and truth be told you could probably do away with blue from this deck and go all in with red and black and be fine too. I don't know and I'm not gonna be the one to find out. Maybe I will. I do not know.
So another boy that has me kinda stoked is the natural order/birthing pod sorcery.
It's not busted, but man it sort of looks like it is and thats enough for me. I don't know where this card goes to be honest. I've knocked around a lot of ideas with this boy. My first impression was that it can go get nantuko husk for the rite decks but that seems shitty. My second impression was that it was a broken jund card where you go from like nissa to dark dwellers to atarka. It exiles itself though so you can fully combination off with it which is gay. You can still just do the afore mentioned chain at a not broken speed and it seems fine and I'm sure it would be decent. Not terribly exciting though. My THIRD look at the card brought me to the idea that it could act as a chord of calling for some gimmicky elf deck. This is the only idea I ran kind of far with.
4x gnarlroot trapper
4x leaf guilder
4x sylvan advocate
4x elvish visionary
4x dwynens elite
4x tiny natural order
4x shaman of the pack
4x sylvan messenger
4x company
1x nissa
1x gilt-leaf winnower
21x lands (green/black. Not that hard folks)
I played the elf deck with chord whenever that was legal and I think I runner-upped a thursdaddy with it so it's probably ok now too. I've since had other ideas with the card like going from matter reshaper to smasher and all that but this just seems like a cognitive and passable use of the card. Play elves. Get shaman. Probably die. Great.
Next guy I wanna talk about is Craterhoof Junior.
I'm loving an overrun. I'm loving a giant guy. This guy is a guy. So like every card on this list I have no idea how to integrate it into a functioning magic deck. I first thought baby hoof went with baby natural order but there was problems I was running into with that. Podding up to this guy with short dicked natural order is possible. Technically possible. It requires you to play some really bad magic cards and also a lot of thing to go right for you. Also the pay off is you might not win the 1 out of every 100 games you get to achieve the dream of podding whirler rouge into brood monitor and emerging the hoof on the following turn cause you drew him right on time. There is the 8 drop emerge guy that makes insects too so you can live a different dream and pod into the pig also. All that is just terrible though. Another line i took with the big pig was some sort of delirium based deck with the worldly tutor knock off from shadows and the new spider queen (daddy rikey that one a rot). I'm sure there is a deck there. Someone is gonna find it and I'm gonna play it when that happens. I'm likely not the man for the job though because I'm the asshole that wants to jam 4 of everything in his deck and decks like that usually end up with 15 one-ofs and I don't know what those all are. Another obvious and likely home for this big fella is with cryptolith rite and collected company. My initial concern with that was having to draw him naturally. I wanted a way to find him without having to force the delirium tutor or dark petition. So I looked to the the most despicable place in existence for inspiration. The Internet. Lucky for me people who are good at this game did some of the work for me already. Turns out sanctum of ugin lets you nab your piggy if you jam a 7 drop. Also turns out there's a 8 drop dude that your happy to play. The emerge guy that does the thing is a card that I'm totally fine with playing in "value 3 drops the deck". Now there are lists that exist on reputable magic websites that are similar in nature to this one but I'm gonna hit you with my spin(s) on it.
4 loam dryad
4 elvish visionary
4 duskwatch rec
4 cryptolith rite
4 matter reshaper
4 catacomb sifter
4 eldrazi skyspawner
4 collected company
4 distended mindbender
1 decimator of provinces
4 yavimaya coast
4 llanowar wastess
4 sanctum of ugin
4 evolving wilds
2 sunken hollow
1 island
1 swamp
3 forest
This is one I've actually put a medium amount of thought into while writing this. Like I said I started this shit off the top so I did all my research and play testing right here in my brain in real time. So I'm not sure if this deck is good but this seems like the most grounded. You can add more colors and play shit like reflector mage but we're effectively forced to play 4 basic wastes here so take your greedy ass on if that is what you want to do. There's also probably a green black version that's a little more sound but I like having the option of smasher out of the board and adding one of either blue or white isn't much further than adding "colorless" to your mana base. Also I'm not sure this is better that just playing westvale abbey and blood artist in your deck but hey man I'm fucking trying here.
OKAY. Last shit I wanna touch on is shit I have no business touching on. Good magic cards. Bant Company is that one in standard and has been for awhile now. Both the humans and non version have seen decent success. Here's cards I like that slot into these decks: lone boy, spooky counterspell ghost, new thalia, bant planeswalker. I was gonna type out lists for these decks but now I'm not cause I don't feel like it. You can drag your ass over to Gerry Thompsons house and look under all the Mountain Dew cans and Volcom sock hats if you want to find the best version of that shit. I do think that both renditions of the deck get a significant boost in power level though.
There's a long list of other cards in this set that are fine but this shit is already way to long. The horse was dead before I started whooping it to be completely honest. If you made it this far then good on you. Also I made it the whole article without saying a new card's name outside of an actual deck list. That two mana blue spell fuckin sucks too.
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